Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is this weekend.  I am not looking forward to it.  To start, I have not been the best mommy for Brooklyn lately.  I find myself getting frustrated and overwhelmed when I am with her.  She has that “I’m 3 and the world should revolve around me and I should get everything I want, when I want it” attitude.  Its exhausting.  I have no patience for the whining and crying.  I love her with all of my heart and cannot imagine my life without her, but she drives me nuts.  Despite all of my efforts to “fake it ’till I make it” for her, I am feeling like an inadequate mother to her.

I also have this ache to hold all of my babies this Mother’s Day.  I am so lucky to have Brooklyn here with me, as I know that some mommies who have lost have no baby to hold.  But I still have a missing piece.  Mother’s Day just isn’t the same, and I suppose it never will be.

I will go through the motions.  Breakfast, going to the park, visiting the cemetery, going to Grandma’s house to celebrate.  But it won’t be the same.  I am a mother, but I am missing two children.  I’m not really sure what there is to celebrate in that…